Style: grandiose, labyrinthine, magniloquent
LA, California, USA
About me
a FAQ for ariel\'s dogs
GORDON FAQ: q: where does gordon like to poop? a: he is very picky about where he likes to poop. he tends to choose a different area everytime, about a mile away from the house on a walk. sometimes the person walking gordon will be able to suggest spots for him. bear in mind there is no template for a good spot-sometimes the area is grassy, sometimes he like to poop in a bush. mostly, he likes the poop to be out of the way. we think this comes from when he was a young puppy, and the people at the farm where he used to live would throw things at the giant pack of rotweiler puppies when they started to poop somewhere where they could see. q: why does gordon act like he\'s been abused? a: we\'ve been trying to figure that one out forever. ariel\'s had him since he was 6 weeks old, and she doesn\'t hit animals. probably it has something to do with him being a runt in the litter-all his brothers were big dopey rots, and he has a more slender lab appearance, so he probably got his share of beatings in the womb. he\'s mercurial. q: why does gordon \"do bitings\"? a: we think that\'s his nervous response to everything. although, it may have its root from when ariel was in college, living with a bunch of dirty hippies with fleas. q: why does gordon get \"stinkface\"? a: he likes to diguise himself from bigger dogs. he thinks \"i\'ll just smell like a nice dead bird and nobody\'ll know i\'m here\". q: what are some ways to address gordon? a: \"best boy\" sometimes pronounced \"bist buwey\" as in \"he IS bist buueey\". \"speak boy,\" \"stink face,\" \"peanutbutter eyebrows,\" \"dancing peanutbutter,\" \"puppycakes,\" \"best swimming boy,\" and \"a real best boy\" are also acceptable. q: why does \"his lip get all messed up\"? a: sometimes, when he\'s very focused, like on \"some fishes\" or a nice work of art, he\'ll close his mouth carelessly and get a hanglip. q: what are some of the grammamtical subtleties i need to know to communicate with gordon? a: he can spell, but only a few words like \"w-a-l-k\" and \"l-e-a-s-h\". also, present tense and third person are usually prefered such as \"gordon goes to the puppy park\" and \"gordon wants a treat\". however, the grammar is always in dispute. q: what kinds of music does gordon like? a: the more off-the-wall, the better. he especially likes conlon nancarrow and karlheinz stockhausen. seriously. OLIVER FAQ: q: why is he so goddamn cute? a: because he has no soul. q: why doesn\'t he have a soul? a: because he\'s so goddamn cute. q: is he a girl? is he a miniature lassie? OMF HE\'S SOOOO CUTE a: no, kind of, he\'s the devil. q: where does oliver like to poop? a: in the same spot in the neighbor\'s ivy every day. q: why does he get up all indignant when i sit next to him? a: because he\'s a little bastard. q: what kinds of music does oliver like? a: pop music, like kelly clarkson and ashlee simpson. q: can i pet him? a: you can try. q: is he really that cute? a: you\'d want to drop an anvil on him. My Gear
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