| StoreTags: pop, shit, psychic polluti, angst
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So I got laid off from my desk job in June and being the dumb pothead I was, I planned on collecting unemployment instead of looking for a new job, but I never got around to doing either. In a panic, I applied to a big box store and now I'm working minimum wage bringing furniture out to customers and doing random "maintenance" chores.
I don't mind working retail that much. The thing I find offensive is the ambiance. Those fucking obnoxious fluorescent lights that burn my retinas and probably double as a theft deterrent, and what's worse I'm the one that's having to replace those disgusting lights. But really that's not so bad.
What IS bad is the fucking "music". Sting. Steely Dan. Whitney Houston. Phil Collins. "Bring Me a Higher Love". "That's What Friends Are For" - THAT FUCKING HARMONICA. I want to find the box that's producing that awful sound and tear it up with a shard of broken fluorescent tube.
I was just wondering how you guys deal with having this garbage hammered into your ears. Ultimately I ought to just find a new job away from this trash but seeing as I've only been there a couple weeks I should probably stick it out for a little longer. I would rather wear a dildo on a chain around my neck every day and have the music turned off. I'd rather the speakers played the sounds of an animal fucking all day, every day. | |
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10/12/06
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fakeBlooper
that's the funniest shit i've read in a while
>>>> "I planned on collecting unemployment instead of looking for a new job, but I never got around to doing (that) either" <<<<
i used to work in this place where we'd have alternating days to be the "dj", but it eventually boiled down to a pissing contest... ie, i'm going to play the most objectionable shit in my catalog just to spite you. i lost it when toby keith was on repeat with that song that says "if you don't buy my record, then you hate america" or something like that. now i work in a room with an fm radio that plays the same 4 song rotation on either the dirt rock station or the youth oriented scenester station.
if you can get away with it, wear earphones. if you can't, maybe the speaker wirings might have a little "accident" and you can work in silence.
10/12/06
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license
Yeah, it's pretty sad  I could've had free money, god dammit.
I need to figure out where the music is coming from. What I'm afraid of is that it's in some manager's office. The security guys, on the first day, were showing me how cool their paranoid little camera setup is. "Just be aware, when you're in the store, you ARE being watched." It's great to feel so trusted!
10/12/06
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fakeBlooper
is it a satellite channel or commercial fm station? some stores have their own branded "mix cd". if it's an fm station, get one of those cheap low power transmitters, set it to the freq and pump some white noise in there, until people turn the station or turn it off.
10/12/06
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colin
i love steely dan .. you need to utilize it .. ... jut embrace badmusic and revel in the populous joy of lines like " drink scotch wiskey alll night long --duh duh-- and DIIIIEE behind the wheel "
just look for the weirdness ... what music could ever be better than elevator music?
10/12/06
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license
I don't think I can really appreciate it, I dunno what you mean by "utilize" it.
When it's slow I like to caricaturise the ones that don't make me wanna puke. For example with "You Lost That Lovin' Feeling" I pretend that "BABY!" is a cue for call and response. I usually respond about 12x for each call. I think it's only the soul songs that are really tolerable.
I think what I might start doing is making up alternate lyrics. I've already got a chorus for "Bring Me a Pile of Dump". I just need to write some scat-related verses for that one.
10/12/06
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tjames
My office plays the Billboard Top 100 from the last 30 years, so I feel you..
At least they play Squeeze every once in a while.. Keeps me coming back every day..
10/12/06
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GregTArtZ
ouch, but Steely rocked, sorry.
10/12/06
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GregTArtZ
I laughed my ass off to your Harmonica line, i know what you mean, for sho, lol.
10/12/06
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energygiant
droning meaningless tasks mixed with medicore popular music, and all for just enough money to survive on........im sorry man, but it sounds like your fucked.
im wiht colin, make use of it. there MUST be someting, some layer of the song that you can pick out and focus in on, that isnt entirely crap. i know its hard when you hear the same 10 songs over and over and over and over again, believe me i know. i used to work at Michael's art supply store as a stocker, which means i would come in at 3:30 am and start stocking the shelves and even at those hours they played music. they had these cds that they sell in the stores that are remakes of popular songs. it had a remake of 'creep' by radiohead, 'rhythmn of the beat' by gloria estefan and that one by john mellencamp that goes 'wild night...is falling.' they also had a bitchin cd of latin dance hits (this was miami after all) that was the one that i didnt mind, lots of good percussion bits to focus on.
that remake cd also had a song that goes "s-a-t-u-r-d-a-y NIGHT" again and again and again. that was the one that really sent me over the edge. it mustve been a beach boys song or someone similar because the remake had some HORRID vocal harmonizing, and dont get me wrong i really love vocal harmonies, just not the shit ones.
10/12/06
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mlbot
eventually, the voices will drown out the muzak. DOn't worry, just do as they say and it'll all be OK.
oh and you might want to begin stockpiling flammable substances now.
10/12/06
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lilt
we have 'classic hits' on at work
how does a new release by the dixie chicks make it into the 'classic hits' playlist?
it may be a current 'hit' but its not 'classic'!!!
but i get by by thinking about philosophical stuff...im coming up with a theory for why there has to be at least 2 dimensions to time...
that whiles away the retail hours pretty well =)
10/12/06
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astroid
the dentist office that i used to go to when i had braces had that music. so it'd be getting my braces tightened listening to that garbage. i get panic attacks just thinking about it.
i feel your pain.
i used to work graveyard shift at a gas station. luckily my co-workers listened to death metal. well, except for my boss who listened to insane clown posse.
10/12/06
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colin
utiliz .. like . me and my freinds are ALL ABOUT some roxy music avalon .. never mind its the worst song from theire worst album, ... we rocked it on keryoke the othernight ... and.. like .. i dunno . utilize it .. channel its badness ..
latly i heard elevator music and just love it ... lol
look up "yacht rock" ... watch, and be changed.
10/12/06
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papergoose
you could ignore the lyrics and try to break down the production of the whole song. try to hear what fx are used, look for edits, etc. pay attention to the musical aspects of it and break it down in your head as much as possible.
A good mental/music practice thing is to hear a melody or hook and try to reverse the notes in your mind. You may even find some good melodys to use in your own stuff later, minus the 4-inch bangs. Have your cell phone voicemail ready to hum into.
And probably the easiest, is to just count it out, as if you were a drummer. Just practicing doing that , even to shitty music, will make you a better musician.
10/12/06
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DrexonField
i'm so glad someone else hates "That's What Friends Are For" as much as i do. and yes, that harmonica is so bad. i think it's steve wonder playing it, and in the video, they all look like they just did the best coke money can buy. especially elton john.
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