| StoreTags: coffeeshop idio, oldmanmoaning
Author: Zanf on April 03 2007 Viewed 4699 times. 23 people liked this blog. You can rate it below if you haven't already.
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Dont fuck with my coffee.
A simple request.
Just dont do it or my full wrath will land upon your head and the heads of your decendents for 7 generations.
Everytime I go into a coffeeshop, I make a simple request and yet I have to spend my day slaughtering thousands of innocent relatives of coffeshop workers because they dont understand a simple request:
NO FROTH PLEASE!
Simple as fuck but those simple as fuck idiots who work in coffeeshops cant seem to grasp that one small instruction.
They even come up with silly names so they can act all cool when they shout them back to whoever is making the coffees and yet the same fucking bland cup of shit comes back.
"one wet latte please Enrico"
And yet what always comes back is half a cup of foam with a bit of milky coffee in the bottom.
I dont want any foam. I dont give a fuck if they think it might alter my coffee 'experience'. By putting the slightest amount of foam on it, it has already ruined my coffee fucking experience.
I like milky coffee. Hot milky coffee and yet asking for coffee minus froth makes me feel like Tony Hancock in 'The Rebel'.
It feels that I could go into a coffeeshop anywhere in the UK and order any kind of exotic blends from the menu and they would all come out the same homogenised, bland cup consisting of coffee, steamed milk and half a cup of foam. There is no longer any variation between a 'cappuccino' and a 'latte'.
Even a mocha is just a shot of chocolate in that half cup of shitty foam.
It seems lots of things are becoming like this: the path of variation has become so narrow that whatever you choose, you wont be too far from the path to be shocked or challenged or disapointed.
Fuck that shit. I want to be challenged. I want to be disapointed now and then so that when Im not, it rocks even more. I want to try new things that arent a slight variation from the same boring shit everyone else is doing.
"Oh yah, its my twist on it".
Well, fuck you and your twist.
And most of all, dont fuck with my coffee.
Now .....GET ORF MY LAND! | |
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04/03/07
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astroid
dude
once you go black
04/03/07
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tmns
have you seen that dennis leary sketch where he talks about the downfall of coffee? he shares your sentiments. i quite like the foam myself.
edited: Apr 03 2007
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tonearm
haha you'd hate Australia where there's essentially no difference in any of the 3 main types : latte, cappucino and "flat white". You would think that, given its very name, a "flat white" would be flat but you'd be wrong.
04/03/07
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deltasleep
I agree that its all starting to be the same thing...and its all starting to get really inflated in price. $3 machiattos? in a town where even the coffee shop owners say "eXpresso" ?
And if I order a machiatto one more time and get asked "what is a machiatto?" I am jumping over the counter. Even at a Starbucks I was forced to go to the other day they asked me that. As much as I am lukewarm about their coffee, they used to at least train their employees.
04/03/07
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tonearm
In some parts of Australia, a cappucino is the height of sophistication and until as recently as 10 years ago some towns didn't have cafes at all.
edited: Apr 03 2007
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bbwax
more foam = less coffee, less substance = more profit for coffee shop = greedy bastards shooting themselves in the foot = unhappy customers like zanf.
or something like that.
i'm going to italy soon and i'll drink me some proper coffee.
04/03/07
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breakscience
at starbucks you have to say 'carmel' before every order or they look at you funny ;)
edited: Apr 03 2007
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breakscience
omg...Victrola's (seattle) mocha was delicious!
04/03/07
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datathinner
its not just coffee that people fuck up. every where you go ... it seems like people just don't get it.
i hate pickles, and i walways ask for no pickles on my sandwich at this greasy spoon diner i used to frequent. i told them every damn time: "i hate pickles. leave the pickle off." and every damn time the plate would come out with this juicy wet pickle spear and the bottom piece of bread would be soaked in pickle juice. i finally had enough and started telling them: "if my sandwich comes out with a pickle, you won't be getting a tip". it seems that fucking with peoples' money is the only way to get things done.
i feel for you zanf.
as for coffee ... well, i always get ice coffee (or frappucino or whatever they call it), no whipped cream.
04/03/07
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Taxis
bbwax said: "more foam = less coffee, less substance = more profit for coffee shop = greedy bastards shooting themselves in the foot = unhappy customers like zanf."
Actually, the same amount of espresso goes into a coffee regardless of how much foam gets put in.
Recent blogs: UBC sex study
04/03/07
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minisystem
tonearm said: "haha you'd hate Australia where there's essentially no difference in any of the 3 main types : latte, cappucino and "flat white". You would think that, given its very name, a "flat white" would be flat but you'd be wrong."
ha ha. i totally noticed that! i just got back and i'd always order a cappacino, my wife's friend would order a latte and my bro-in-law would order a flat white and we could never tell the difference.
also, zanf, if you want good coffee, don't you have to a move to a country that, um, makes good coffee? something happens to the beans when the cross the channel.
04/03/07
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Tenine
I work at a pub/bar/music venue/coffee shop, we wouldn't put froth on your coffee, Chris.
I don't like all that name shit, just ask for 'black coffee', 'white coffee', 'white coffee, no water' etc.
I look like a 'tard whenever someone asks for a coffee because I don't have a clue what they want,
you see I only work at night time and no-one orders coffee then.
04/03/07
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yghartsyrt
i share your sentiment.
fucking bollocks.
besides that i HATE milk. really i do.
a good coffee needs nothing more than the wee bit of crema it naturally comes with. period.
and maybe sugar.
screw them. brew your own
04/03/07
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tantan
HAHAHAHA Zanf I want to marry you
I have nailed specific baristas in specific shops around town who always get it right.
04/03/07
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tantan
And actually that's even true when I travel--even at a starbucks in St. Albans, there's a girl there who can do justice to my demanding drinks.
I have a lot of empathy for the poor coffee jockeys, as I used to be one. It's a bitch of job sometimes, and it's really easy to get lazy and sloppy.
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