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for the last 8 months i have a girlfriend. our relationship is serious, at least compared to my previous chewing-gum-duration ones. i realy like this girl and i spend a lot of my time with her. sometimes i think we could spend many years together and i'd like that.
there's an issue though. ever since i've started going out with her i haven't been able to focus on anything creative. i don't feel at all motivated to read, write or even think creatively. i also work full-time, so what i usually do is work, sleep, meet my gf (not every day), eat - in that order. she doesn't demand an unreasonable amount of my time, but still it's usually a productive part of my day. when i have a day off i either go out with her or relax, watch a hollywood flick or more seldom meet some friends.
i recently spent a lot of money on a hardware studio i always dreamed of but i have spent more time on blogging / em411ing than play with my gear, usually because i only have an hour or less before i have to meet my gf or go to work. i also missed my school's last exam period due to this issue.
the main problem is that now it's so hard to care about all this. i don't find any interest in my old hobbies and it feels like i'm subconciously giving up on my dreams. i've forced myself to put some boundaries: i spend at least a couple of hours each week working on music and promised to myself that however busy i might be i'll try to study for the present exam period.
has anybody had a similar problem? do i have to fight it or should i just let go and it will all come back eventually? should i talk about all this with her? | |
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05/18/07
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skab
don't talk about it yet. you're still in the month of honey, wait for the month of absinthe, and then you'll be glad to get back to the studio 
05/18/07
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vveerrgg
I have had that same fight with MANY of my previous relationships... Especially now because like you, I spent a decent amount of $$$ to get my studio setup the way I want.
If I could suggest one thing. Make getting into the studio a priority! Try it for 3 months and see what comes out of it. When I started getting back into making music seriously, I made it a point to spend 1 evening a week in the studio. Treat it like you would going to the gym, or anything else that you would do on a routine. I tried it like a part-time job, and gave myself some simple objective every session. It helped me get back in the saddle, and now I get antsy if I don't get in the studio atleast 2 or 3 times a week.
It's also good because it makes you have to focus your time and use it wisely... and on the nites when I want to say forget it and leave... I force myself to do something less interesting BUT STAY IN THE STUDIO... sometimes making patches will give you that sound that you suddenly want to use.. or cleaning up the cables or clutter will help get you back in the zone.
But do it.. force yourself into the studio once a week.. and you'll be surprised how soon everything else will fall into line and get you there... It also helps to have a supportive girlfriend who'll understand that and give you time to work on your craft.
You're not alone..... we all get that... it's part of settling down and finally not completely struggling to make ends meet. But now more then ever, you gotta push through it all cause it'll only get easier once you get to that otherside.
05/18/07
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crabster
Well, do you ever get a need to be alone for awhile?
05/18/07
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breakscience
basically, your girlfriend is your new hobby.
05/18/07
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mulletballet
Any girlfriend sucks your time away in the early parts... it's the truly worthwhile ones that give you the time to explore and develop your hobbies. My last relationship before my current wife, the girlfriend treated my music as a bad habit, and she would tell me to turn it off when she'd get home from work.
Nothing kills your mood more than that!
Wait for the newness to die down -- but don't stop making time for your music, don't be in a situation where you regret the whole relationship later because you became her boyfriend instead of a musician with a girlfriend.
05/18/07
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ejectorset
it definately helps if your gf is a creative person. especially with many hobbies. my wife (of 7 years next month) has always been very artistic, painting, drawing, writing, ceramics, photography and now for the last few years (since we had our daughter) scrapbooking.
she definately spends more free time (we both work full-time) everyweek on hobbies than i do making music. as such, it isn't a big deal to her. she is very supportive of my music making, gear buying, etc.
if your gf's only "hobby" is you and your relationship its going to be a hard road. i've know many musicians and band-mates through the years that ended up with girls like that.
like vveerrgg said, work it into your schedule. i also recommend having someone you collaborate with. not a whole band because then you have too many people with too many schedule conflicts, but me and my friend get together a few nights a week, it really keeps me working on music. when he was off on tour for awhile or out of town working for months at a time i didn't get anything done musically.
05/18/07
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mlbot
setting time aside for your own personal hobbies is good.... both for you and your relationship.
I'd never date anyone who became some sort of pod-person and gave up their life after we started dating. Zzzzzz.
It gets easier when you move in together. Then you can work on music while being in the same house/apt together. Easier does not always mean easy, but still... so hurry up and shack up! ;)
05/18/07
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celibacyclub
theres always quixits.
though those can be a problem too.
05/18/07
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mlbot
quixits or quickies?
05/18/07
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jarvis
i'm just out of a relationship where i had little time at all for anything. between full time work, almost full time school, studying, and the GF, i never did much of anything creative. it was a downward spiral too because soon you feel uninspired, and then you feel anxious and crazy because your creative output is capped, and then you start getting bored with everything and then your GF gets bored with you. and then you break up and summer comes and you have all this free time to do whatever you want, all by your little lonesome. don't let your GF be your focus. a good relationship has a good balance between time for things you need to do (school/work), time to do things together, and time to do things apart. if one of those things feels out of balance, in time the relationship is bound to be out of balance.
05/18/07
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Jim
I'm in a new relationship that I have been devoting a lot of time to as well. I still find time to make music though, mostly because I have a schedule. My gf knows that Sunday and Wednesday are music times for me and so she has activities of her own planned then. Schedules work for me, I know every week I will probably be playing music at that time.
05/18/07
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mixedtape
dude everyone just said what I was gonna say. great thoughts and advice. she's your gf, you're supposed to spend time with her. but I think vveerrgg had a great idea, allot some time each week that is strictly studio time. it doesn't mean you have to write a track but it's time you can spend in the studio. don't treat it like work, treat it as your own time but make sure you are in your music-making environment at least once a week
05/18/07
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tylth
dude in the pic looks like frankenstein!
05/18/07
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tylth
girl looks like frankenzula
05/18/07
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nagrom
What jarvis said.
If she doesn't "understand", begin distancing yourself and make a rational decision.
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