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Girlfriend moving in and its effect on musical production
StoreTags: workflow, love, disruption, distractions
Author: zfigz on September 02 2006 Viewed 4789 times. 10 people liked this blog. You can rate it below if you haven't already.
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The entire summer my girlfriend was away and well, a room became available in my place and not having her for 3 months got me thinking. I invited her to move in. Now I'm just curious of others who are in the same situation as me. She's only been here for a few days and obviously I'm very keen on hanging out with her as much as possible. Though I'm a lil' scared of being able to get my own time. We have our own rooms, so I think that'll help immensely. Once school starts up again she'll be very busy which will give me time to do my thing, but I'm just curious how others manage their music making time living with a significant other. After another week I'm probably going to tell her I want to spend the day in my room making some tunes, so hopefully that'll go over well.
So yes, anyone have any tips/advice for those living with girlfriends/wives/boyfriends/husbands? | |
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09/02/06
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Roshi
It's definitely a balancing act. However, if your SO does not understand how important music is to you, you should have a talk. Schedule maybe a couple hours a week where you have time to yourself to just play with music. As long as you talk about it and make space for each other and the activities you each like to do, things should be great.
When I first moved in with my partner, things were kind of on a halt musically. But then we had a talk and he knew about how important music is to me, so I definitely have at least an hour a day to work on music.
09/02/06
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Taxis
Let her know how much time you feel you need to work on music right from the start, and try not to comprimise on that unless its important. However, figuring out how much time she needs with you is important, so don't just give her five minutes a day or something.
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edited: Sep 02 2006
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zfigz
yeeeeep, the music is definitely on hold for a bit...maybe for a week? I wanted to do some stuff today, but...she just got in Wednesday so I should tend to her for another week I say.
edit: by the way, communication is the foundation of any relationship...though hopefully she can understand my need to fiddle around with my compy when need be. Moderation between both the lady and the tunes is a tough one.
09/02/06
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jdg
just make sure your girl/boy/etc has a hobby.
nothing worse then dating a loser with nothing to do excpet wait for you to be done with whatever ur doing so u can just watch tv or go out.
lame.
09/02/06
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zfigz
well, I guess her hobby would be school. That and um, reading, having walks, and writing when she feels inspired. And she loooooves to talk, but that hobby requires more than one person.
09/02/06
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Zanf
Previous GF's have loved the idea of me making music but not the practical terms of it.
When I worked at a studio, I used to get downtime to make music. This happened about one or two nights a week. She complained that it cut into us having quality time together some evenings. So over the next few evenings, I spent time with her and ended up watching about 4 hours of different tv soaps, after which she would spend about an hour on the phone to her sister, talking about those soaps and other gossip.
I completely ignored her protestations next time I booked downtime.
A previous GF, who was also creative, used to sit and draw whilst I made music, if she was about. Her drawings would then inspire my music. That worked quite well. She understood that if I was in the zone, I couldnt stop. Same as when she got on one.
zfigz said: "She's only been here for a few days and obviously I'm very keen on hanging out with her as much as possible."
I couldnt do that now - I like hanging out with my friends but I need my own space quite a bit and so the next GF will have to fit in with that cycle.
09/02/06
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jdg
sounds like trouble to me.
edited: Sep 02 2006
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zfigz
jdg said: "sounds like trouble to me."
What sounds like trouble? Jdg, were you commenting on Zanf's post of needing his next lady to fit in his cycle or were you talking about the idea of me lady moving in?
09/02/06
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monkvolcano
yea, just moved in with my "special lady".. It's actually allowed more time for music. We used to hang out all the time anyway, and I often time found myself at her place, she would go to sleep and i would be left without my musical equipment, dicking around all night... now we can both do our own thing and take breaks to hang out with each other. She's an artist as well, which is vital to the whole thing.
listen to jdg, he's is harsh, but wise. if you're dating a codependent loser, you might be in trouble. Also, hopefully she doesn't put out to much- that could be fatal to production.
09/02/06
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zander
My grandad always says one thing when asked if he's allergic to anything,
'Yes, women'.
09/02/06
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monkvolcano
what is a yes-woman?
sounds like a good thing to me. but perhaps a fairytale.
09/02/06
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zander
monkvolcano said: "what is a yes-woman?
sounds like a good thing to me. but perhaps a fairytale."
I'm afraid I don't know, sorry.
09/02/06
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deltasleep
The real trouble comes when you involve yourself with a woman/man who is hyper-insecure. With my wife, if I am not staring at her and watching TV with her or whatever, I am ignoring her. But ultimately thats what you get in this situation. You can no longer make music, you can only make music and "ignore" your partner.
The only way I have been able to make things work out is to make sure our schedules are as screwed up as possible so that I have plenty of time to myself so I can actually get something done. I love my wife, but let me just reccomend that you tread carefully before you move anybody in with any expectation of making music the same way ever again. Have a strategy...I just found out that avoidance is the best one.
09/02/06
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Otterfan
My gf is a guitarist. She's much better than me.
That's definitely a good thing, because she understands practicing and the time and amount of noise-making required. Plus there's cool gear in the house that I didn't pay for.
However it can be humilitating when I've spent hours trying to work something out and she picks it up by ear while watching TV.
09/02/06
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astroid
it just takes lots of communication.
ariel's super-supportive, and she loves me for being an obsessive, but it still has its rough spots- her old boyfriend used to hide from her in the computer, so that took some communication. and we work together, so that takes more communication. way way more communication.
essentially, if you're both artists, you'd probably better respect each other's art, or it will probably fall apart, and not in any nice way.
i give ariel guitar lessons sometimes-which is a "hilarious" minefield. i'll get so grumpy at her and bark things like "you're too good to make that mistake" and "use a metronome!" yeah i gotta work on that.
writing songs together is great-we can be total perfectionists and not get offended at all.
production is tougher-we fight a lot when we're recording.
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