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So I got laid off from my desk job in June and being the dumb pothead I was, I planned on collecting unemployment instead of looking for a new job, but I never got around to doing either. In a panic, I applied to a big box store and now I'm working minimum wage bringing furniture out to customers and doing random "maintenance" chores.
I don't mind working retail that much. The thing I find offensive is the ambiance. Those fucking obnoxious fluorescent lights that burn my retinas and probably double as a theft deterrent, and what's worse I'm the one that's having to replace those disgusting lights. But really that's not so bad.
What IS bad is the fucking "music". Sting. Steely Dan. Whitney Houston. Phil Collins. "Bring Me a Higher Love". "That's What Friends Are For" - THAT FUCKING HARMONICA. I want to find the box that's producing that awful sound and tear it up with a shard of broken fluorescent tube.
I was just wondering how you guys deal with having this garbage hammered into your ears. Ultimately I ought to just find a new job away from this trash but seeing as I've only been there a couple weeks I should probably stick it out for a little longer. I would rather wear a dildo on a chain around my neck every day and have the music turned off. I'd rather the speakers played the sounds of an animal fucking all day, every day. | |
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10/12/06
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sweettrip
the previous hotel i worked at had a smooth jazz radio xfm station piped into the main areas, and it was really annoying. the new hotel i work at now has a crazy old skool jazz station that totally roxxorz. there's nothing cooler than seating on the toilet trying to take a shit and listening to some wild style jazz drumming or crazy-ass piano licks. the drumming is particualarly inspiring, LOL
10/12/06
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papergoose
DrexonField said: "i'm so glad someone else hates "That's What Friends Are For" as much as i do. and yes, that harmonica is so bad. i think it's steve wonder playing it, and in the video, they all look like they just did the best coke money can buy. especially elton john."
lolz!
I'd bet money it's true, too.
10/12/06
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Plissken
Yes - yacht rock.
link
Could change your whole perspective - you need to embrace smooth music.
10/12/06
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license
energygiant said: "droning meaningless tasks mixed with medicore popular music, and all for just enough money to survive on........im sorry man, but it sounds like your fucked."
Thanks for putting it in perspective. 
Yeah, I need to get out of here when school is over. I looked at my paycheck today and it's not great but it's not nearly as bad as I thought...I might even stay here a while. But believe you me, no more retail after this. No more. Ever.
DrexonField said: "i'm so glad someone else hates "That's What Friends Are For" as much as i do. and yes, that harmonica is so bad. i think it's steve wonder playing it, and in the video, they all look like they just did the best coke money can buy. especially elton john."
Seriously! How could that harmonica not make you want to puke?
That harmonica reminds me of someone getting their balls chopped off and/or getting a frontal lobotomy, and then one of their friends is consoling them and they're like "But I still love you! And, hey, you're still alive!" Like, yeah, great! That makes me feel so much better! I'm in a world of neuticles and buffed floors and mylar balloons but you're still here for me! YAY!
I guess I just never understood Steely Dan. I don't know if this makes sense but it sounds like someone took all the stuff about Disco that I DON'T like (excluding, maybe, the orchestral arrangements, or did they do that too?) and made a new genre out of it. Shitsco. The rest went to Acid House. And I fucking hate the dude's voice. My dad loves them, though.
Who is the guy that did "Bring Me a Higher Love"? I admit it, I actually kind of like it. It's just incredible to me that I have somehow managed to have heard it almost EVERY DAY that I have ever worked retail. It's like THE Retail Song. It's baffling in a way that it is the Chosen One. I have no idea of the parameters upon which it attained that status and I am a bit curious. That same dude...at least I think it was the same dude...had another song that was popular like 10 or 15 or 20 years ago that used the same brass sound in the chorus although the structure was different and the tempo was a bit more mellow. I wanna remix that song. If anyone knows what I'm talking about let me know. I'd be willing to make a sample of it if you are familiar with shitty 80s music.
10/12/06
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license
sweettrip said: "the previous hotel i worked at had a smooth jazz radio xfm station piped into the main areas, and it was really annoying. the new hotel i work at now has a crazy old skool jazz station that totally roxxorz. there's nothing cooler than seating on the toilet trying to take a shit and listening to some wild style jazz drumming or crazy-ass piano licks. the drumming is particualarly inspiring, LOL"
HAHA. I'd have trouble shitting to, like, Ornette Coleman. Hell, I'd have trouble trying to keep a straight face no matter what I was doing.
10/13/06
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rayro
I agree with papergoose's thoughts. If its forced upon your ears you might as well as make some use of it and let your brain dissect its production into something you can use. Keep your brain active as per esteemed neuroscientist Dr. Ryuta Kawashima from the hit DS game Brain Age!
10/13/06
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datathinner
when anybody mentions steely dan i think of the song "you can go your own way"
blech.
10/13/06
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datathinner
when i worked at a grocery store, however they would always play classic New Order, like "bizarre love triangle". that was awesome.
edited: Oct 13 2006
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soundhdack
For me -- music, any kind of music would be a blessing if I were working in a big box store. Those flourescent lights, the dust that's produced by the hundreds of thousands of people who shop there annually -- it's in the air and covering everything -- the sucky supervisors and managers who are holding on their little bit of power and who want you to be just like them, the drug screenings (I don't do drugs. Not yet, anyway.), the customers who want, want, want, and want some more even if the store is out of stock, no holidays, no Thanksgiving, no Christmas, no New Years Eve, no holidays, no holidays, and no holidays, no full weekends EVER, eating bags of Twizzlers and Snickers and Kit Kats and Cheeze Its in the breakroom on 10-minute breaks every single day of the year ------------------------- and finally the employee discount that sucks your hard earned cash right back from out of your pocket because you are too poor to shop anywhere else - they may as well pay you in new underpants and new socks every couple of months. Yes, yes, YES music would be a blessing if I had to work in one of those big box stores, any kind of music at all. There no worse feeling of being a slave and knowing it each and every single day of the year. Thank God! for music because that's what held me together when I used to work retail. Music kept me sane. Music kept me loving. Music lit my way right out of the way of those badly supervising supervisors (even though they were good people) and badly managing managers (even though they were good people), and those badly lit aisles. Music was my oasis in the desert of retail.
10/13/06
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Roshi
I keep thinking this says "Rectal Music".
I guess that shows how mature I am.
10/13/06
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license
Soundhdack, that's depressing. But true.
I should probably be looking for something else now.
10/13/06
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doofgoblin
reason number one billion and four why Steely Dan is one of the best bands ever is that you can walk into a grocery store and hear songs about heroine, incest, obscure literature, and murderouse revenge.
10/13/06
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RogerRoger
license said: "Who is the guy that did "Bring Me a Higher Love"?"
Steve Winwood. link
I worked as Sacker from 1988-1990 and a night dairy stocker from 1990-1992 at Krogers and had to endure similar mediocrity five times a week.
It's no suprise most of my paycheck went to 12 inch records to find something engaging.
I used to spend alot of time thinking about either philosophy or women. I was also keeping a journal at that time (no internet invented yet) and would often dwell on subjects written from previous days. It never interfered with the brain-dead monotonous tasks I was assigned to do.
10/13/06
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GregTArtZ
yeah, when i hear that harmonica line, I see dead people.
10/13/06
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tylth
could you bring your own player & headphones
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