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So I got laid off from my desk job in June and being the dumb pothead I was, I planned on collecting unemployment instead of looking for a new job, but I never got around to doing either. In a panic, I applied to a big box store and now I'm working minimum wage bringing furniture out to customers and doing random "maintenance" chores.
I don't mind working retail that much. The thing I find offensive is the ambiance. Those fucking obnoxious fluorescent lights that burn my retinas and probably double as a theft deterrent, and what's worse I'm the one that's having to replace those disgusting lights. But really that's not so bad.
What IS bad is the fucking "music". Sting. Steely Dan. Whitney Houston. Phil Collins. "Bring Me a Higher Love". "That's What Friends Are For" - THAT FUCKING HARMONICA. I want to find the box that's producing that awful sound and tear it up with a shard of broken fluorescent tube.
I was just wondering how you guys deal with having this garbage hammered into your ears. Ultimately I ought to just find a new job away from this trash but seeing as I've only been there a couple weeks I should probably stick it out for a little longer. I would rather wear a dildo on a chain around my neck every day and have the music turned off. I'd rather the speakers played the sounds of an animal fucking all day, every day. | |
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10/14/06
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datathinner
oh man. i just totally had an idea for a sitcom in which an average dorky white dude becomes roommates with Jesus.
coming home from work, Bob finds jesus has been playing online casinos on his computer all day
"stop getting blood all over my keyboard, Jesus" bob says, "and make sure you come up with your half of the rent this month".
"you need some more weed, Abraham and Daniel came over and we got soooo fucking stoned."
lol. i'll stop being a dork now.
10/14/06
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jogn
jesus lovers are so going to fry your ass
10/14/06
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datathinner said: "there's only one thing: the drug test."
I quit weed a couple months ago, and I'd like to be off it for a few months more.
But ultimately, that's what I'm gonna do. When I had a desk job I had plenty of time for music.
Part of me is actually starting to appreciate this job. Not because of the music or the work or the people I work with, but there's this kind of meditative state I can get in. I feel like I'm learning about time, because when I didn't have this job time really flew by. Now it goes at a snail's pace again.
The paychecks really aren't that bad. Minimum wage is high in Washington. At least they're only taking about 50 cents an hour for taxes. Maybe they just don't seem bad to me because I'm so cheap and I have a warped view of money. After all, I used to make twice what I'm making now after taxes, and somehow I managed to squander that away (mostly on 12"s and going out to eat with my girl).
And there's something to being able to daydream at work. That's something I couldn't always do in an office because I was always answering a phone or punching in data or working in some spreadsheet. Or surfing the web  yeah, okay there was plenty of time to dream.
Yes. Christmas. I'm trying not to think about it. I hope those kids enjoy it while they can because when they hit working age, they're going to look at it a whole lot differently.
10/14/06
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reehc
thanks to many many years retail hell - there are certain musics that cause instant rage - dido, norah jones, eva cassidy, jamie cullum are prime examples, even writing their names made me ill, there are many many more that happily I have forgotten. There are also lines from certain films that make me yelp like a injured dog.
10/14/06
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monkvolcano
reehc said: "thanks to many many years retail hell - there are certain musics that cause instant rage - dido, norah jones, eva cassidy, jamie cullum are prime examples, even writing their names made me ill, there are many many more that happily I have forgotten. There are also lines from certain films that make me yelp like a injured dog."
i find it helps to make dirty paraodies of songs n order to tolerate them. for instance, for that annoying Di(l)do song, you could say:
"I yi yi, want to spank you,
for takin it the best way-yay..
up the ass"
or something like htat.
10/15/06
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reehc
monkvolcano said: "i find it helps to make dirty paraodies of songs n order to tolerate them. for instance, for that annoying Di(l)do song, you could say:
"I yi yi, want to spank you,
for takin it the best way-yay..
up the ass"
or something like htat."
Oh yeah did that - i was the best at oasis songs - changing the words randomly to either 'pie' , 'spaz' , or my fav 'gypsy' - amasing how well they can fit in to any song- also used to try and add 'face like an arse' into some trance & r&b songs with mixed results.
retail angst is more than likely responsible for this: stupidity
10/15/06
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What is that Rod Stewart song? "I saw your face in a crowded place and I don't know what to do"
I think it'd be fun to make a video for that.
10/15/06
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molasar
loved the description at start of thread - "That's What Friends Are For" - THAT FUCKING HARMONICA - I've been chuckling to myself for days since first reading it cos at first I just kinda remotely thought about it then completely forgot it...but in the last few days I too have become f*#king haunted by it, HA HA..a total domino effect NO! HELP!
10/15/06
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Today's thoughts:
I still wanna make a video for that stupid "Beautiful" song. It's ridiculous. I want to share with people what I have in my head when that stupid song comes on.
"Who Will Save Your Soul" by Jewel would a dope trance song.
I like that "I Love You Always Forever" track. Except the silly piano, but not enough that it ruins it.
Sting is among the worst. Because I feel like he's simultaneously condescending the working poor and offering a very cheesy aesthetic in which for us to frame the narrative of our little lives. And then sometimes there's a feeling in there that I relate to and it just makes me sad.
That soul-type song that goes "Someday things are gonna get easier" is pretty and it makes me almost cry because the lyrics hit pretty hard right now.
I'm kind of annoyed by that young, recently popular (maybe a has-been now?) singer who sounds kind of like Frank Sinatra, or at least tries to. I think he sounds like a robot. When he tries to "get into it", it comes out almost as plastic as a vocoder.
10/22/06
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Today's thoughts:
I wanna stab myself. It started to get busy a couple days ago. I feel like I am doing the work of at least 2 people. Maybe 3. Management sucks. The GM is a douche. That's the only word that comes to mind. Douchebag. He's probably reading this after cheerily snapping his fingers to the worst of all retail songs. I caught him doing that once and I really wanted to kick him in the nuts. Not really maim him, just because I felt like he was really pissing in my cornflakes. Maybe I'm being a dick and he's just trying to be "peppy" or something. Speaking of pissing, he tried to talk to me while I was whizzing. He was in the next urinal over. Maybe it's just me but uh-uh. You do not talk to other dudes in the restroom. It's not even a homophobia thing as most women assume, it's a territorial instinct thing. I have gone in restrooms and not even noticed that my friends were in there. I wanted to turn around and whiz on his slacks and his shiny shoes. I guess one of his primary job functions is to keep everyone's hours low and he gets rewarded with a little $20,000 bonus at the end of the year for fulfilling this. I don't remember who I heard this from but it's disgusting that that kind of information gets out of his office, because it means that the fucknut was probably bragging about it. God damn. I want to remove his bleached teeth with some pliers. Anyway.
Don't mean to ramble so much about my boss (I mostly try to ignore/avoid him) but there's a direct correlation between quality management and a quality work experience.
This keeping the hours low shit is affecting my job too because I have to run back and forth constantly between the parking lot to "get carts" (and boy does holding this level of responsibility bring me such pride!) and the opposite end of the big box to grab tables, chairs, and bookcases in various degrees of assembly. All the while dodging elderly people who would move more swiftly had they hitched a ride on shifting tectonic plates, little kids with no concern whatsoever as to where they are going (usually playing "jump from one grey tile to the next"), and the occasional smug, fat-assed, condescending, passive-aggressive South Hill (the Beverly Hills of Spokane) bitches who try to figure out ways to get directly in my way, usually by reading the "flyer". I guess they also want me to fix the fluorescent lights, meanwhile taking care of other said responsibilities, because it seems that whoever was previously assigned to this joyous task has been neglecting it for several moons. And when I go on breaks I still get calls/pages. The cashiers are like children hanging on my motherly teats. And I've been there 3 weeks. I don't depend on anyone there to do my work except when I'm on those breaks. And also I can still hear Phil Collins when I'm on break. I thought of some clever lyrics to one of his "songs" but I can't remember it right now.
Yesterday I found an old man napping in his car at the far end of the parking lot. The way his head was cocked back, I thought maybe he was dead. I decided I would wait a few hours before I told Loss Prevention that someone bit it in the parking lot. Eventually the car disappeared so I assumed he woke up and drove back home. But a haunting thought occurred to me. Why would you want to spend so many hours of your life in a place where you'd be ashamed to die? Do you want to die in the parking lot of a Big Box store? I sure as fuck don't. And you just never know when you're gonna go. I don't want to be remembered that way. I don't want people to think of how I died with even the slightest trashy rinky-dink subconscious notion of retail casualty. That's sick. That's dehumanizing and hideous. So, by spending my time somewhere higher quality, I would be wagering that death come in a more beautiful place.
Bitching aside, I've come to the realisation that there's at least one thing I like about this job. I really like working with the public. People always complain about the customers in retail. Aside from when they're in my fucking way when I'm pushing a cart with a table and 6 chairs, a computer tower, and the ubiquitous bookshelf, I really like the customers. They're pleasant, friendly, I'd even say compassionate. When I fuck up and bring out the wrong color bed and I have to make them wait, when I drop their shelf because I'm trying to multitask, they are patient and forgiving. Maybe they're just unusually nice here but I really like that part. My friend Spike would say it's all those Libra planets I have. Probably true because my Scorpios still want to rip the heads off and drink the blood of a couple folks here and there who are probably really nice people.
I could stick with this job. But I'm getting paid shit. I'm getting paid as little as someone can get paid over the table in the state of Washington. Which, having said that, is fairly generous by national standards and probably by world standards. I'm a fat white American male and that alone tells a lot of people how good I have it, and I'm probably taking it for granted. But ultimately, I have a choice. I could stay in this shithole and make $7.63 before taxes and do work I hate. Or I could go ANYWHERE ELSE IN TOWN and make AT LEAST THE SAME AMOUNT. I may as well do something fun, or at least rewarding. Right?
I didn't do the last round of carts. I also left a blue "4 wheeler" outside of the door. I hope I don't get yelled at. I haven't gotten yelled at yet, which I must say is a good thing.
My supervisor, who's a really nice guy, could tell today how exhausted I was. He smiled. "It's a busy day," he said. "But wait until Christmas." No. I am not fucking waiting. I'm checkin' out, Charlie.
/vent
Apologies if I come across like a narcissistic ass. I probably am. I don't care. I'm lonely, I'm sore, I'm tired, and I'm unhappy. And I feel dirty in that icky corporate way.
10/22/06
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datathinner
wow that part about death was pure gold.
that, and i feel your pain.
10/22/06
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monkvolcano
erg.. yea i relate to the shitty job.. yea. i'm about to start overnight stocking at Target.. erg.. suck..
are you in school or anything license? or just goin from one shit job to the next like me...
to me any job would seem shitty, cause while i'm there i'm either:
a.) looking forward to going home so i can fuck around with music.
b.) dreading going home because I have to do some kind of social bullshit i don't want to do, yet still hating working at the same time, or
c.) feeling bad cause i'm feeling depressed and i'm just going to go home and play video games, or waste my time in some other fashion.
i need to get some kind of computer skill so i can have a job that sucks a little less and makes a little money.
10/22/06
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astroid
i wish i could press the "i enjoyed this blog" button one more time
10/22/06
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frnortnr
I think you need to save all your thoughts and compile them into a book because things like 'All the while dodging elderly people who would move more swiftly had they hitched a ride on shifting tectonic plates" is pure awesomeness.
I hate retail with a passion so great that it could move mountains. I worked at the Gap one Christmas. Enough said. *shudder*
10/22/06
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I forgot about the dreams. The worse a job sucks, the more I dream about it. So that the nightmare never ends. It's like having a bottomless bowl of steaming shit to dine on. Well, I'm going to enjoy the next 2.5 hours of free time before I serve my "short" - 8.5 hours instead of 9.5 hours - shift today. My girlfriend went to Seattle for a couple days and brought back some cool stuff and that makes me a little happier. Especially the Pokka Milk Coffee. Fuck yeah.
datathinner said: "wow that part about death was pure gold.
that, and i feel your pain."
Wow, thanks
Are you working a shit retail job too?
monkvolcano said: "erg.. yea i relate to the shitty job.. yea. i'm about to start overnight stocking at Target.. erg.. suck.."
monkvolcano said: "are you in school or anything license? or just goin from one shit job to the next like me..."
I'm in school at the moment. My availability is pretty restricting, and the best thing I can say about this place is that they really did work with me on my availability. I guess I'm getting more hours than most people there (32-35) and for that I should probably be grateful. But I'm not. I don't want to spend that much of a week there.
monkvolcano said: "to me any job would seem shitty, cause while i'm there i'm either:
a.) looking forward to going home so i can fuck around with music.
b.) dreading going home because I have to do some kind of social bullshit i don't want to do, yet still hating working at the same time, or
c.) feeling bad cause i'm feeling depressed and i'm just going to go home and play video games, or waste my time in some other fashion."
With my last job, I had #A, but it wasn't overpowering. The nice thing was I could shop online while I was at work, and I could afford gear and vinyl. This job I have all 3, but more than anything I spend the time trying to figure out when I'm getting out of there, trying to break my sentence (if I stay there til I graduate, it's 5 months) into as small units as possible so that I don't feel overwhelmed. And trying to find ways to walk that aren't painful, and sometimes if I'm in the mood, just making fun of the music.
But I definitely don't want to be there, and I'm sure it's becoming more and more obvious to the other people who work there (many of whom feel the same way)
monkvolcano said: "i need to get some kind of computer skill so i can have a job that sucks a little less and makes a little money."
That's exactly why I'm putting up with this job at the moment. Trying to graduate so I have at least a BA to put on a resume.
astroid said: "i wish i could press the "i enjoyed this blog" button one more time"
What a nice thing to say, thank you
frnortnr said: "I think you need to save all your thoughts and compile them into a book because things like 'All the while dodging elderly people who would move more swiftly had they hitched a ride on shifting tectonic plates" is pure awesomeness."
Thank you! Watch this space...maybe the thread will get longer
frnortnr said: "I hate retail with a passion so great that it could move mountains. I worked at the Gap one Christmas. Enough said. *shudder*"
Oh God. Yes. I was thinking last night of retail places that would be worse to work at than this one, and my mind immediately went to the Gap, Abercrombie & Fitch, American Eagle, Aeropostale, etc.
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