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for the last 8 months i have a girlfriend. our relationship is serious, at least compared to my previous chewing-gum-duration ones. i realy like this girl and i spend a lot of my time with her. sometimes i think we could spend many years together and i'd like that.
there's an issue though. ever since i've started going out with her i haven't been able to focus on anything creative. i don't feel at all motivated to read, write or even think creatively. i also work full-time, so what i usually do is work, sleep, meet my gf (not every day), eat - in that order. she doesn't demand an unreasonable amount of my time, but still it's usually a productive part of my day. when i have a day off i either go out with her or relax, watch a hollywood flick or more seldom meet some friends.
i recently spent a lot of money on a hardware studio i always dreamed of but i have spent more time on blogging / em411ing than play with my gear, usually because i only have an hour or less before i have to meet my gf or go to work. i also missed my school's last exam period due to this issue.
the main problem is that now it's so hard to care about all this. i don't find any interest in my old hobbies and it feels like i'm subconciously giving up on my dreams. i've forced myself to put some boundaries: i spend at least a couple of hours each week working on music and promised to myself that however busy i might be i'll try to study for the present exam period.
has anybody had a similar problem? do i have to fight it or should i just let go and it will all come back eventually? should i talk about all this with her? | |
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05/18/07
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Lara
you might try showing her how to turn some knobs and introduce her to the joy of headphones.... or just relax, because when you actually feel creative and like being in the studio, then you'll make some sounds. It's tough feeling like you should be doing something else, but really you just ought to enjoy the things you're doing while you're doing them. Companionship is consuming, boy or girl. And if she's worth having, she'll be all about you doing the things you've always loved doing.
05/18/07
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adcBicycle
Teach her how to set up mics, cables and how to operate a mixing board.
05/18/07
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mlbot
And if music takes up too much of your time, she can go to boyfriend411 and write a blog called "em vs me"
05/18/07
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Squeal
This has been a point of contention between my wife and I for some time now. For me, it has been much easier when I was part of a group or duo. It kind of adds legitimacy, which is not a very comforting idea. The corrollary being that I, as a solo musician, am not worthwhile.
I did feel the creativity drain for like 3 years or so, but it is finally ending. I think that suggests that our relationship has matured into something that is workable and healthy for me (and hopefully for her, too). It's tough nuts. What do you value?
BTW I like your haircut! Post-modern!
edited: May 18 2007
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zfigz
here here! My girlfriend had friends over for 10 days and I was Mr. Host for the entire time. The day after they arrived my 40h came in the mail and I was soooo anxious to use it, but I didn't (except late at night before going to sleep I'd spend about 30min with it). I waited and waited, then, when they finally left, I spent 24+ hours awake setting it all up and bouncing my production tracks down for use with it. After about an entire weekend of ignoring my girlfriend (we live together) she was rather upset with me. So yeah, definitely find a balance with both your creative life and your love life. If she has a job try and get creative on those days etc. But also, most importantly, she needs to be able to give you your time to work. My girlfriend is pretty good at this, but I like lots of time so yeah, I'm a lil' selfish when it comes to music-making time. You really need to be aware of the amount of time you're spending with your girlfriend/making-music.
I wish I could get my girlfriend involved with making music (like singing etc) but that's not always an easy thing to do
05/18/07
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jdg
i've told my wife point blank that my music is more important to me then our relationship.
she accepts this... but she is also an artist... and i know her art is number 1 over me.
05/18/07
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Squeal
Damn, jdg! I don't think I could pull that off.
05/18/07
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astroid
heh
ariel and i encourage each other because music is why we're together. that's its own mine field (for instance, three days ago we had the first vocal recording session in two years that didn't end in a screaming match), but it does mean that we "understand" a little bit of what makes each other tick.
05/18/07
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mlbot
squeal said: "Damn, jdg! I don't think I could pull that off"
it helps when you have abs of steel and finely chisseled features, like jdg. He can say anything and the women just know its how it must be.
Like Jerry Falwell said so many times, the only problem with feminists is that they failed to find strong men to tell them how to think and act. DOnt let your gf fall into the trap of thinking for herself, it only leads to witchcraft, lesbianism and 9-11.
05/18/07
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ignatius
just have her read this blog. someone needs to write a guide.. handbook for people in relationships w/musicians or other creative types but particularly w/electronic musicians.
some people have a hard time understanding why you'd rather sit in a room w/a bunch of plastic and some computers and make weird ass noises that .000001% of the music listening population wants to hear instead of hanging out them. best thing you can do is once you get past the honeymoon phase of things and get rid of some of the swooning love songs in your head is to chat about it. you need time to do your own shit and so does she. but you also need to use your time wisely. if you know the old lady is having ladies night w/the girls then you should stay home and work on music and wait for the booty call.
if you guys are really gaga for each other then at some point it'll become clear how important the music is to you and why you do it and you just get miserable if you haven't created anything in a while. at least that's what happens to me.
05/18/07
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mlbot
1. Musicians are self-centered flakes who's "creativity" will trump relationships every time.
2. But it sure is cool to be dating someone who's "in a band", so either put up with it and shut up, or find yourself a nice person who doesn't fashion themselves as some sort of artist/rebel hyrbid.
3. Electronic musicians are not as cool, but they tend to have fewer drug problems. Unfortunately, they do have serious internet-addictions, which can be difficult to distinguish from "working on music". This double whammy (less cool, more distracted) means that you should avoid electronic musicians unless you aren't hip enough to find yourself a good rocker.
there, its done.
05/18/07
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soundhdack
It's an issue of discipline. As you get older you take on more responsibilities. Anytime something becomes serious it means you have to prioritize it along with other serious things. Fun becomes work but work can be fun. So just make a list and stick to the list. You'll adjust and the familiar feeling of enjoying what you do will come back.
05/18/07
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delete
lots of different opinions / lifestyles here. i'm actually closer to the people whose woman isn't so excited about their hobbies. however, my gf understands that this is important to me and keeps me sane. i've never tried to stick to a schedule when it comes to music, i'm not sure that would work for me, i'll try it out though.
Lara & adcBicycle: last time she came into my room with some candles and some decorative lights. she disconnected my mixing deck to connect the lights and lit the candles and used my ASR-10 o.s. floppy as a coaster. when i freaked out and told her that this is not possible she said "*sigh* if only i could get rid of all this junk", meaning my gear. lolz 
mlbot: so, jdg must be chuck norris then
jdg: sup chuckie?
crabster: yeah, sometimes i need a break. but usually all the pressure is gone after half a day.
well, my gf is a creative person in kitchen (her cooking is UN-believable). other than that she's not so much of a creative character. she listens to rhcp and naked music recs (house stuff) and i listen to gangsta rap and modern breakbeats, which means there's no chance of agreeing on a radio station.
pic: we're quite a couple, no?
05/18/07
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tylth
@ pic
NO WAY this is you, delete. you are greek, therefore you must have a sixpack, massive bizeps, hairless manly chest and be able to fight off 100 raging persians with chopsticks alone! dude in image looks way too post-lobotomy
05/18/07
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everamzah
i tried being with a girl who didn't like me getting at the computer as opposed to getting at her sweet vuluptious, magnificiant woman area. so we fought alot. then i left. a lot. and now i crave nothing more than her sweet vuluptious magnificant woman area. sometimes u just don't know what u have till it's gone.
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