When I was in first school I won the highly coveted yearly "guess how many jelly beans there are in this jar" competition. There were 374, and I guessed so. The prize was a teddy bear and a huge jar of 374 jelly beans, I didn't like jelly beans so I gave them all to my friend, which I guess is what led to his downspiral into a world of gambling, drug dealing and male prostitution to aid his obsessive jelly bean addiction, eventually ending in a near fatal sugar overdose and a period in rehab.
I could never bring myself to name the bear, it didn't have a persona, with those vacant eyes, partially concealed with fur, devoid of any form of identity. The only glimpse of character it gave off was a jumper brandishing a healthy school meals slogan and a faint aurora of the irony of being paired with a gargantuan tub of jelly beans.
Initially I nicknamed it after it's wonderful healthy eating message, something like "health bear" or "fruit bear," but I realised at some point that the bear probably wouldn't be to be identified as a bear by the clothes it had had no choice in choosing or wearing, lacking a means of communication, (and most probably, although not certainly, consciousness) as most stuffed toys do.
So, the bear sat nameless for many years, with no sense of identity or self, on the windowsill of my bedroom, temporarily being relocated for dusting and other window activities (there seem to be more in your childhood.)
Until now...
You may have heard of the ridiculous story of british school teacher Gillian Gibbons who teaches (or tought, I should say) at Unity high school in Khartoum being arrested for calling the class teddy bear Muhammad, after a school boy suggested calling the bear Muhammad, after his own name. This is similar but on a smaller scale to the danish cartoons fiasco a few years ago.
Innocent people who were not muslims were killed over cartoons, that's right, cartoons, which nobody outside of Holland would have noticed if they had not been actually added to and hyped up by muslim Imams, sickeningly so.
I wish to pay homage to the wonderful religion of Islam by calling my own childhood nameless bear Muhammad (pbuh). In the eyes of a muslim i'm going to hell for doing this anyway, so please, no violence or threats.
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Written November 28 2007 , Tags: bear, islam, wtf
Comments
i don't know if u can, but i can't.
*shakes fist
????
hahaahaha look you pissed off muhammed
man, awesome blog... give us more! lol!
BEST BLOG EVER!
only be the response! Muhammed said: "*shakes fist" lol! i'm going to name my teddy bear"jesus" and see if i can piss off some christians and get my name in the news.
nightowl said: "i'm going to name my teddy bear"jesus" and see if i can piss off some christians and get my name in the news." doesn't matter . . . they will just sell it. link like everything else within reach, i suppose. lol and great teddy bear name. i hope nobody was hurt in the making of this blog. er...
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oh sorry. wrong link: link there it is "holy bears".
oh god - i don't feel at all well.
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holy bible-thumpin' bears, batman! i never thought teddy bears could be so scary.
these may scar children for the rest of their lives. they probably even recite bible verses. hahhaah, great writing!
Better keep this on the low-down, before you get a death fatwa on your ass.
Certain muslims have no sense of humor or tolerance...just like some christians. You can ruin any religion, if you believe in it enough.
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goddamn.
i miss window activities. Signup to comment
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