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Author: tantan on February 20 2008 Viewed 3650 times. 23 people liked this blog. You can rate it below if you haven't already.
People who enjoyed reading this: Fredo, mixedtape, DongleKong, ignatius, DrexonField, mechp, Roshi, jogn, atum, mapmap, sAMsKi, owl, filarion, Zanf, Unknownforce, doofgoblin, mlbot, lowlifi, license, molasar, jack123, bb01, deltasleep
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Mild irritation of the day.
Why do dumbshit corporate people say "lets talk offline" instead of "lets talk later"?
Why do dumbshit corporate people say "legacy products" instead of "old products"?
Why do dumbshit corporate people say "I'm out of cycles" instead of "I'm out of time"?
What is some of your favorite / most hated corp-speak?
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02/21/08
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mapmap
i hate all of the ones that you hate plus....
ideate - i really fucking hate that one.
02/21/08
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mixedtape
Maybe not exactly Corporatese, but going off the "we need a solution" comment. how about "any thoughts?" ie: when are you going to fix this?
02/21/08
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WhiteBox
Hey, It's a win/win situation. I'm a key enabler and I'm about to attend a pre-meeting on this very subject.
02/21/08
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ricemutt
haha this is an awesome thread. I have all kinds of ammo for making fun of bellevue people now.
02/21/08
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sAMsKi
um, not sure if these count :
"let's do lunch" - always gives me an image of someone shagging a cob.
"i just wanted to touch base" - always makes me think of someone violating me in some way.
maybe it's just me...
02/21/08
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xLefr
It's magic. People believe in the symbolism of Winning Words, and if they knot their ties just right and say just the right magic words, they'll attain success.
Abra cadabra. Win win. Ixat.
02/21/08
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quip
"let brown bag this"
"by the end of play"
"its a win, win situation"
"goal orientated solution mission"
(i made the last one up but it sounds right")
02/21/08
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cbit
kick it around
get the ball rolling
roll it out
kick off
roll the ball off
(last one is wrong)
monetize. aughr 
02/21/08
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replicalex
If I hear my boss say 'we dont need to work harder we need to work smarter' one more time....
I feel like saying 'are you calling me stupid, ya cunt!'
02/21/08
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dach
Q: What is Avaya Communications Enabled Business Processes?
A: Avaya Communications Enabled Business Processes (CEBP) help enterprises enhance operational efficiency, worker productivity and customer satisfaction by streamlining human engagement in critical business processes. These solutions integrate with business process applications to predict and sense events, then respond by managing real-time multi-channel communication with process users and decision-makers.
Well, that explained that.
02/21/08
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pierlu001
this blorg made me sick ouch
Recent blogs: first blog!
02/21/08
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Zanf
Boss: "Are you going to take ownership of this problem?"
Me: "yes. as soon as you fuck off and let me get on with it"
Customer: "Can I ask you a small I.T. question?"
Me: "Sure." [walks off]
I laughed hard in peoples faces when I heard:
"Now we're cooking with gas"
[trying to trace out fibre in a big bunch] "Yep, thats the kiddie".
02/21/08
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license
do people actually have pre-meetings? that's fuckin gross.
the only time I ever heard the term used was before the word "cigarette". and that usually meant 3 or 4 cigarettes and 20 minutes.
02/21/08
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Roshi
In academia, I run if a group says "Let's write a white paper on these issues"
This means, nothing will be done. We will waste your time writing something that will never get read, never get published, and is an excuse for academic penis comparison.
02/21/08
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dimka
... we're putting cover sheets on all out-going TPS reports, did you get the memo? I'll see that... wait that's not original
"Moving Forward" is one that is oft used around here, it's especially annoying when used in every sentence.
My boss also has a nice term in "House-keeping" i.e. there's a shitload of paper here, file it!
I guess all of this Jargon is how you keep people in line, by changing the way you speak they hope to eventually change the way you think and thereby desensitize and "tune" you into the "corporate vision."
On a side note, when I first started working in corporate hell, I found it hard to understand why everyone had to dress up so nice when we spent such long hours here and almost never dealt with clients. I figured we'd all work a lot harder if we were more comfortable in jeans and comfy shoes. I was quickly reproached and reminded that we dress like this to constantly remind us that we're "at work" and should be working...
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