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Author: tantan on February 20 2008 Viewed 3654 times. 23 people liked this blog. You can rate it below if you haven't already.
People who enjoyed reading this: Fredo, mixedtape, DongleKong, ignatius, DrexonField, mechp, Roshi, jogn, atum, mapmap, sAMsKi, owl, filarion, Zanf, Unknownforce, doofgoblin, mlbot, lowlifi, license, molasar, jack123, bb01, deltasleep
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Mild irritation of the day.
Why do dumbshit corporate people say "lets talk offline" instead of "lets talk later"?
Why do dumbshit corporate people say "legacy products" instead of "old products"?
Why do dumbshit corporate people say "I'm out of cycles" instead of "I'm out of time"?
What is some of your favorite / most hated corp-speak?
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02/21/08
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SeanShea
I hated how Numark used to say "She/He "isn't Company Material"
When the phraze they were really looking for? "Is a Negro"
02/21/08
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Unknownforce
I've never heard of "I'm out of cycles" either but we get the Legacy one all the time from our IT support company. "Oh, thats a legacy machine...it must have legacy settings...it's because she needs legacy software..."
Nobody has mentioned the classic "think outside the box" yet
We had training recently and the trainer kept using the phrase "en masse"
"We could do this en masse...we could mail all your subscribers en masse...we could do all these operations en masse"
...we could punch you in the stomach en masse
02/21/08
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doofgoblin
does "webinar" count? ew.
"work/life balance." thanks for reminding me.
02/21/08
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bb01
mixedtape said: "Maybe not exactly Corporatese, but going off the "we need a solution" comment. how about "any thoughts?" ie: when are you going to fix this? " Zanf said: "
Boss: "Are you going to take ownership of this problem?""
the winners imo.
I really hate it when people pull that, use these codes to which theres no decent reply.
usually with undertones of reproach.
on a similar note; just went to an interview.
why always the vapid questions. dammit.
why would we choose you?
are you good at making decisions?
(answer a- for lolz?
answer b- nah, wasnt even sure Id come along today)
02/21/08
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flies
are you good at making decisions??
might as well ask, "can you do stuff good?"
02/21/08
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sohcahtoa
I get loads of emails that end with "Please Advise". I feel like phoning these people and saying "Please Advise" at the end of every sentence.
Oh and "Let's keep our eyes on the prize, people". I've only heard that one once, but the scar it left is deep and painful.
02/21/08
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flies
02/21/08
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Roshi
02/21/08
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mlbot
Zanf said: "Boss: "Are you going to take ownership of this problem?""
My wife uses the phrase "you gotta own this problem" or "you have to own that reposnsibility".
It annoys me to no end, so far I've managed to nut up and not go bonkers.
02/21/08
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MonkeyPlus1
a project manager talking to a software development manager, in the cube next to mine (thank GAWD I work at home now):
Rejecting a level of structure, existing durations for existing tasks, resources required to do this, a given consideration, a dependency that requires a visibility, we need to make sure we don’t assume the level of detail, certain levels run higher risks, what I’m getting to is the flawed logic a lot of people use, we need consistency from a detail perspective. this is not intuitive, once you understand structure and the purpose.
Scope is verified, bought off on, knowing what you’re going to do, how you’re going to do it, who’s going to do what, scheduling, the whole exercise. the process of identifying these major dependencies, to the extent that we understand the specifications, requirements are a necessary evil. The mentality that if we started writing code three months earlier we would have been finished two months ago. With a level of visibility, when dependencies cause delay, that’s tangible, we can quantify that. This may not have been a well-informed statement, we’re going to have to let these things go, will it be painful? Yes. Why is he pulling this power struggle?
They’re not seeing what it means to not support that, then there’s this visibility in the requirements, my statement before was misguided. They don’t see that, they won’t have that…that grudge. We’ll be willing to work with you to resolve it. What is the time spent there and lost functionality if we go there?
Someone mentioned the priority of development instances, at some stage there’s no distinction between production and the project, whether or not it’s going to be an issue, I have no idea. All of our solutions are re-writes. Again, I don’t know what level of detail these guys have on the project, I got yelled down, I got burned.
Recent blogs: MBM pictures
02/21/08
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MonkeyPlus1
it sounds like nonsense because they were talking faster than I could type. writing/testing code, which I do, is mere low-level grunt work to these guys, and I'm happy to remain on my side of the fence as much as I can 
Recent blogs: MBM pictures
02/21/08
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cbit
flies said: "are you good at making decisions?? "
yes, I'm absolutely unsurpassed when it comes to making decisions, oh.. you mean the _right_ decisions?
bb01 said: "I really hate it when people pull that, use these codes to which theres no decent reply.
usually with undertones of reproach."
lol yeah, its almost the lawyers 'have you stopped beating your wife' trick! (reply by making a gurgling noise)
02/21/08
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lowlifi
"We would like you to take ownership on these initiatives" aka your buddy fucked up, clean up his mess
02/21/08
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RogerRoger
I'm a contractor, so for each new customer, I put that horseshit lingo on my resume', then when I get here I speak normally, unless it's really technical. No one cares either as long as you are providing them with results and act like you know what you're doing. That said, I'm not one of those clueless MBA penisheads who spend their paid hours deciding how to fling company money around in meetings most of the day, and type up emails or build power point presentations for the rest of it. I do the important stuff like keeping the AIX server alive and writing shell scripts that save me from doing something by hand!
02/21/08
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mixedtape
cbit said: "lol yeah, its almost the lawyers 'have you stopped beating your wife' trick! (reply by making a gurgling noise)"
this kind of gurgling sound?
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