LA, California, USA
About me
a FAQ for ariel\'s dogs
GORDON FAQ:
q: where does gordon like to poop?
a: he is very picky about where he likes to poop. he tends to choose a different area everytime, about a mile away from the house on a walk. sometimes the person walking gordon will be able to suggest spots for him. bear in mind there is no template for a good spot-sometimes the area is grassy, sometimes he like to poop in a bush. mostly, he likes the poop to be out of the way. we think this comes from when he was a young puppy, and the people at the farm where he used to live would throw things at the giant pack of rotweiler puppies when they started to poop somewhere where they could see.
q: why does gordon act like he\'s been abused?
a: we\'ve been trying to figure that one out forever. ariel\'s had him since he was 6 weeks old, and she doesn\'t hit animals. probably it has something to do with him being a runt in the litter-all his brothers were big dopey rots, and he has a more slender lab appearance, so he probably got his share of beatings in the womb. he\'s mercurial.
q: why does gordon \"do bitings\"?
a: we think that\'s his nervous response to everything. although, it may have its root from when ariel was in college, living with a bunch of dirty hippies with fleas.
q: why does gordon get \"stinkface\"?
a: he likes to diguise himself from bigger dogs. he thinks \"i\'ll just smell like a nice dead bird and nobody\'ll know i\'m here\".
q: what are some ways to address gordon?
a: \"best boy\" sometimes pronounced \"bist buwey\" as in \"he IS bist buueey\". \"speak boy,\" \"stink face,\" \"peanutbutter eyebrows,\" \"dancing peanutbutter,\" \"puppycakes,\" \"best swimming boy,\" and \"a real best boy\" are also acceptable.
q: why does \"his lip get all messed up\"?
a: sometimes, when he\'s very focused, like on \"some fishes\" or a nice work of art, he\'ll close his mouth carelessly and get a hanglip.
q: what are some of the grammamtical subtleties i need to know to communicate with gordon?
a: he can spell, but only a few words like \"w-a-l-k\" and \"l-e-a-s-h\". also, present tense and third person are usually prefered such as \"gordon goes to the puppy park\" and \"gordon wants a treat\". however, the grammar is always in dispute.
q: what kinds of music does gordon like?
a: the more off-the-wall, the better. he especially likes conlon nancarrow and karlheinz stockhausen. seriously.
OLIVER FAQ:
q: why is he so goddamn cute?
a: because he has no soul.
q: why doesn\'t he have a soul?
a: because he\'s so goddamn cute.
q: is he a girl? is he a miniature lassie? OMF HE\'S SOOOO CUTE
a: no, kind of, he\'s the devil.
q: where does oliver like to poop?
a: in the same spot in the neighbor\'s ivy every day.
q: why does he get up all indignant when i sit next to him?
a: because he\'s a little bastard.
q: what kinds of music does oliver like?
a: pop music, like kelly clarkson and ashlee simpson.
q: can i pet him?
a: you can try.
q: is he really that cute?
a: you\'d want to drop an anvil on him.
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Written October 20 2008
[19:31] <gorf> im about to go for a walk in teh rain
[19:31] <astroid> 
[19:31] <astroid> that sounds like it could be nice
[19:31] <astroid> or pure shit
[19:31] <gorf> it will be nice
[19:31] <gorf> enjoy it while its warm u c
[19:31] <astroid> are you 100% sure it wont be pure shit?
[19:31] <gorf> quite
[19:32] <astroid> that little niggling touch o doubt
[19:32] <gorf> nope
[19:32] <astroid> can turn pure glory to fetid shit
[19:32] * freefrog is doing evil shock wave blast weapon attack tunas
[19:32] <gorf> does not exist
[19:32] <astroid> so youre 100% on the lack of doubt
[19:32] <gorf> what does pure shit consist of anyway
[19:32] <gorf> yeah 100% wholeheartedly lacking all doubt whatsoever
[19:32] <astroid> shit that's been re-ingested infinite times
[19:32] <gorf> wow
[19:32] <astroid> yeah
[19:33] <astroid> only exists in theory
[19:33] <gorf> if only rabbits would live long enough
[19:33] <astroid> the timeless rabbit feasting away on that permaturd
[19:34] <gorf> can pure shit theoretically be made from an immortal dog eating out of an immortal cat's litterbox?
[19:34] <astroid> only if the cat eats the dog's shit
[19:34] <gorf> or does it require the being to eat it's own shit exclusively
[19:34] <gorf> oh I see
[19:34] <gorf> well that's just not going to happen
[19:34] <astroid> just requires a closed circuit i guess
[19:34] <astroid> or an infinite number of digestive tracts
[19:35] <astroid> working on a finite number of shits
[19:35] <astroid> lol
[19:35] <gorf> lol
[19:35] <gorf> this conversations really was intriguing but now I must go
[19:35] <gorf> bai
[19:35] <astroid> bai
[19:35] <astroid> i gotta post that now
[19:36] <gorf> i got to the door
[19:36] <gorf> and i realized
[19:36] <gorf> if tubgirl were immortal
[19:36] <gorf> she would be getting close
[19:36] <astroid> LOL YES
[19:36] <astroid> efficient!
Comments
10/20/08
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astroid
this is the essence of the irc
10/20/08
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cloudscapes
I enjoyed this blog
10/20/08
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electrodan
that's actually the best thing I've ever read
10/20/08
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gorf
haha, I didn't think you would actually post it! :P
10/20/08
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jdg
you have time for this, and not for me on aim.
pox on you and your fambly
10/20/08
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astroid
i dont have teh aims because my putes is ucked
how does i sign ariel out of aims?
10/20/08
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electrodan
"...an infinite number of digestive tracts... ...working on a finite number of shits"
10/20/08
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jdg
astroid said: "
how does i sign ariel out of aims?"
have her sign a pre-nup
10/20/08
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utofbu
omg... teh irc
10/20/08
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dkarma
you'd have better luck w/ a cow.
10/20/08
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astroid
'luck' has nothing to do with my shit distillation process
10/21/08
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monkvolcano
alas, these are hard times. again have we degenerated to posting inane irc ramblings in blog format.
i think we need a 700 billion $ blog bailout asap
10/21/08
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utofbu
we need to reform our fecal safety net that hasnt been reformed since FDR.
10/21/08
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astroid
i don't know what i'm more thrilled about: t*bgirl on front page or corrective use of the subjunctive
10/21/08
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room
t*bgirl is alive and well and making tunes
link
check the bad ass bass
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