i'm riding the bus like i do most every day. a man gets on, he's a regular, and i've had my questions about him because his attire is awesomely fastidious and dorky-pocket protectors, square engineer glasses and high water pants. he has an odd smile on his face at all times, and looks at you out of the corner of his eye while smiling this little conspiratorial smile. this is los angeles, you don't do that shit without irony, a pimp, or a tummy full of malt liquor.
so today, this gentle creature reaches into his bag and pulls out a wadded up paper. it looks like he has wrapped up some food for himself in a glossy picture. there's nothing wrapped in the picture, the prize is the picture itsself-a big glossy full page ad like you'd find in a sunday newspaper, for carl's jr. hamburgers. he reads the ad like you would read a comic book, rapt in the full sized juicy glory of the burger. i struggle to not tear my face off with joy.
 LA, California, USA
About me
a FAQ for ariel\\\'s dogs
GORDON FAQ: q: where does gordon like to poop? a: he is very picky about where he likes to poop. he tends to choose a different area everytime, about a mile away from the house on a walk. sometimes the person walking gordon will be able to suggest spots for him. bear in mind there is no template for a good spot-sometimes the area is grassy, sometimes he like to poop in a bush. mostly, he likes the poop to be out of the way. we think this comes from when he was a young puppy, and the people at the farm where he used to live would throw things at the giant pack of rotweiler puppies when they started to poop somewhere where they could see. q: why does gordon act like he\\\'s been abused? a: we\\\'ve been trying to figure that one out forever. ariel\\\'s had him since he was 6 weeks old, and she doesn\\\'t hit animals. probably it has something to do with him being a runt in the litter-all his brothers were big dopey rots, and he has a more slender lab appearance, so he probably got his share of beatings in the womb. he\\\'s mercurial. q: why does gordon \\"do bitings\\"? a: we think that\\\'s his nervous response to everything. although, it may have its root from when ariel was in college, living with a bunch of dirty hippies with fleas. q: why does gordon get \\"stinkface\\"? a: he likes to diguise himself from bigger dogs. he thinks \\"i\\\'ll just smell like a nice dead bird and nobody\\\'ll know i\\\'m here\\". q: what are some ways to address gordon? a: \\"best boy\\" sometimes pronounced \\"bist buwey\\" as in \\"he IS bist buueey\\". \\"speak boy,\\" \\"stink face,\\" \\"peanutbutter eyebrows,\\" \\"dancing peanutbutter,\\" \\"puppycakes,\\" \\"best swimming boy,\\" and \\"a real best boy\\" are also acceptable. q: why does \\"his lip get all messed up\\"? a: sometimes, when he\\\'s very focused, like on \\"some fishes\\" or a nice work of art, he\\\'ll close his mouth carelessly and get a hanglip. q: what are some of the grammamtical subtleties i need to know to communicate with gordon? a: he can spell, but only a few words like \\"w-a-l-k\\" and \\"l-e-a-s-h\\". also, present tense and third person are usually prefered such as \\"gordon goes to the puppy park\\" and \\"gordon wants a treat\\". however, the grammar is always in dispute. q: what kinds of music does gordon like? a: the more off-the-wall, the better. he especially likes conlon nancarrow and karlheinz stockhausen. seriously. OLIVER FAQ: q: why is he so goddamn cute? a: because he has no soul. q: why doesn\\\'t he have a soul? a: because he\\\'s so goddamn cute. q: is he a girl? is he a miniature lassie? OMF HE\\\'S SOOOO CUTE a: no, kind of, he\\\'s the devil. q: where does oliver like to poop? a: in the same spot in the neighbor\\\'s ivy every day. q: why does he get up all indignant when i sit next to him? a: because he\\\'s a little bastard. q: what kinds of music does oliver like? a: pop music, like kelly clarkson and ashlee simpson. q: can i pet him? a: you can try. q: is he really that cute? a: you\\\'d want to drop an anvil on him. My Gear
fat man
little shirt +Most Recent Blogs
|
Electronic Music other: oh the humanity
Store
Written March 27 2009
Comments
here is a diastic reading of the text, with the title guiding the algorithm. It's a poem:
ASTROID LOVES THE BUS a is water there's awesomely conspiratorial wrapped like you'd [pattern not found: ^w{2}v, skipping] like glasses times, the eye bag pulls has a is not tear awesomely conspiratorial wrapped astroid loes the bus astroid
i think you ride the bus with jdg.
jdg has mentioned his love for short graphic novels involving hambubgers
mmmm hambubger link
my first thought was michael douglas is gonna freak out. be careful.
link he looks like a very happy version of falling down
which means he'll whip out the shotgun soon.
Or ketchup. I love your bus stories scott
It's a little known secret that all plans for world domination begin at Carl's Jr. Might be something in the lettuce.
Recent blogs: Re-amping Mic, How do you do it?
not only do i love your bus stories, but all your stories in general also
Signup to comment
|