Electronic Music 411 - Last chapter: trial by fire -

Hi there, emers

Well, I suppose this will be the last chapter of the saga of my trial through fire in Europe. The trip has been a head-changing one for me and I've absolutely been filled with emotion about it all.

So, ok, I explained that I had gotten very sick on my first day in France, and with some, hmm... 10 - 12 performances charted in front of me, several of them very high pressure, including a live tv show. I'd really disappointed myself with the live tv one, freezing up and singing like a crow.

Anyway, lots of emer/friend advice later I did a blogotheque soiree and that was the break-through. It helped that the folks who were attending all knew my music, or actually wanted to be there! Also, that the host of the apartment where it was thrown this year was a very kind, enthusiastic music lover... and her place was really colorful and warm... But I tried to be very direct and friendly with the audience, talking to them a lot, and that was rewarded by a complete melting away of my fear and it was replaced with a lot of joy. The night went down really well and was so much fun! I got the crowd clapping in single time, double time, and even got them to perform a circle ritual where they chanted, clapped and screamed at the top of their lungs all on camera!

So then fast forward two days to last night. We opened for an artist called Peter Von Poehl at a really wonderful theatre called La Cigale. It had 1000 capacity and I was told it would probably be full for Peter. Not sure if it would be the same for me.

My attitude was pretty centered. And thank God I have I Am Your Autopilot playing with me, as they are just all-around great guys. Very funny, very cheerful, but also serious musicians. Anyway, we went up to the green room and waited an hour after going through rehearsal and sound checks (which was a little frustrating as I have learned I don't like hearing my voice so strangely balanced in a mix!) The stage was dead silent when we left it. When we returned an hour later we could hear this steady hum of the audience and I'm very proud to say that I did not feel fear at all, but excitement. And when we stepped out and folks started to applaud I was filled with so much love in that moment. I looked around the audience and just decided to call these folks my friends. Actually, I'm playing with another artist who calls himself Scalde, and his advice was as such: they are in your room now. You are sharing your space with them. Share lovingly. So I tried that and it was a great success!!!!

YAY!!!!

The music swells we brought to the songs were the most intense we've ever done! It brought my attention to my fellow musicians and for once I actually made happy eye--contact with them during a show! And once again I was able to get the audience to clap, and even had them singing on a breakdown at the end of The Sad Song. That song was the only really hard one. During the part where I sing "Baby Harry" I very nearly started sobbing. It was a little embarrassing.

We played for 35 minutes, ending with a really stripped back cover of Downtown, and got so much applause afterwards! Even when we came to remove our equipment the audience started to applaud and kept doing so again!!!

Here's the thing... this has been much more of a breakthrough for me than you all can imagine because, I tend to stray a bit from joy in social situations. Not sure why. I mean, that's one of the things I have gotten out of my music. It's where I feel I can cultivate joy in safety! But around social environments there's always some tangle, some insecurity, some bullshit. So to have had such a lovely night with a room full of a thousand music-lovers who I don't know... well, I left high as a kite.

Today I do three more internet/press performances, one in a church. I only got about 6 hours sleep sadly, so they won't be great, but hopefully they'll be fun. And then tomorrow I say goodbye to France. I can't wait to get home and truly recover from this horrid cold!