LA, California, USA
About me
a FAQ for ariel\\\'s dogs
GORDON FAQ:
q: where does gordon like to poop?
a: he is very picky about where he likes to poop. he tends to choose a different area everytime, about a mile away from the house on a walk. sometimes the person walking gordon will be able to suggest spots for him. bear in mind there is no template for a good spot-sometimes the area is grassy, sometimes he like to poop in a bush. mostly, he likes the poop to be out of the way. we think this comes from when he was a young puppy, and the people at the farm where he used to live would throw things at the giant pack of rotweiler puppies when they started to poop somewhere where they could see.
q: why does gordon act like he\\\'s been abused?
a: we\\\'ve been trying to figure that one out forever. ariel\\\'s had him since he was 6 weeks old, and she doesn\\\'t hit animals. probably it has something to do with him being a runt in the litter-all his brothers were big dopey rots, and he has a more slender lab appearance, so he probably got his share of beatings in the womb. he\\\'s mercurial.
q: why does gordon \\"do bitings\\"?
a: we think that\\\'s his nervous response to everything. although, it may have its root from when ariel was in college, living with a bunch of dirty hippies with fleas.
q: why does gordon get \\"stinkface\\"?
a: he likes to diguise himself from bigger dogs. he thinks \\"i\\\'ll just smell like a nice dead bird and nobody\\\'ll know i\\\'m here\\".
q: what are some ways to address gordon?
a: \\"best boy\\" sometimes pronounced \\"bist buwey\\" as in \\"he IS bist buueey\\". \\"speak boy,\\" \\"stink face,\\" \\"peanutbutter eyebrows,\\" \\"dancing peanutbutter,\\" \\"puppycakes,\\" \\"best swimming boy,\\" and \\"a real best boy\\" are also acceptable.
q: why does \\"his lip get all messed up\\"?
a: sometimes, when he\\\'s very focused, like on \\"some fishes\\" or a nice work of art, he\\\'ll close his mouth carelessly and get a hanglip.
q: what are some of the grammamtical subtleties i need to know to communicate with gordon?
a: he can spell, but only a few words like \\"w-a-l-k\\" and \\"l-e-a-s-h\\". also, present tense and third person are usually prefered such as \\"gordon goes to the puppy park\\" and \\"gordon wants a treat\\". however, the grammar is always in dispute.
q: what kinds of music does gordon like?
a: the more off-the-wall, the better. he especially likes conlon nancarrow and karlheinz stockhausen. seriously.
OLIVER FAQ:
q: why is he so goddamn cute?
a: because he has no soul.
q: why doesn\\\'t he have a soul?
a: because he\\\'s so goddamn cute.
q: is he a girl? is he a miniature lassie? OMF HE\\\'S SOOOO CUTE
a: no, kind of, he\\\'s the devil.
q: where does oliver like to poop?
a: in the same spot in the neighbor\\\'s ivy every day.
q: why does he get up all indignant when i sit next to him?
a: because he\\\'s a little bastard.
q: what kinds of music does oliver like?
a: pop music, like kelly clarkson and ashlee simpson.
q: can i pet him?
a: you can try.
q: is he really that cute?
a: you\\\'d want to drop an anvil on him.
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Written September 23 2008
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so this is one of the outgrowths of another thing i posted here called 'mastodon factory'. it's old, probably about 1.5 yrs. from a simpler time when a mere pair of khakis could get you a record deal with grp, playing with dave koz on a smooth jazz cruise. i banged candy dulfer in the bathroom as her manager held her hair out of the toilet! haha yes a little too much white wine, candy.
i have no idea what to do with this and generally think it's a fucking heap of overwrought dogshit.
if you were given 100% control of this, and had my resources, what would you do with it?
Comments
09/23/08
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electrodan
scratch the project all together
09/23/08
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astroid
lol
has jdg been giving you lessons
09/23/08
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electrodan
j/k
that funk flute is tops + handclaps! X-)
I wouldn't know what to do with this overwrought heap of dogshit
09/23/08
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electrodan
can you make anything listenable out of it?
start there
09/23/08
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astroid
you listen to me you haphazard collection of nonfunctioning rodent genitals
09/23/08
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lowlifi
It sounds like a soundtrack to a Sci-Fi version of a Tinto Brass film.
09/23/08
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jdg
try a steep hipass filter at about 18k
09/23/08
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utofbu
This is defintely soundtrack. The claps are clutch. Thats ridiculous.
09/23/08
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astroid
jdg said: "try a steep hipass filter at about 18k"
lol good one
09/23/08
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astroid
utofbu, are you aware that the movie 'dead silence' is dedicated to 'the memory of gregg hoffmann'?
i shit you not
09/23/08
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monkvolcano
lulz.. nice sound track.
09/24/08
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cbit
overwrought mastodoms ftw! i really like this, still.
If i had your resources i'd thin out some parts to make the accents seem BIGGER, relatively.
09/24/08
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Fredo
outrageously imaginative and fun! Made my balls explode.
09/24/08
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Fredo
would do absolutely nothing to it, btw. it's perfect.
09/24/08
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Fredo
I love all the 80s strings and drums touches. Your arrangement is quite lean to my ears. I can't imagine removing any of the instrumentation at all.
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